Grief and Not Wanting to Be Alive

If you need to talk to someone now, click to callFirst and foremost, if you are planning to harm yourself please take a moment and reach out to someone. Make one phone call to 1-800-273-8255 or send a text to 741741 or call 911. You may think in this moment that there is no other option than suicide, but before you make that irreversible decision, please get a second opinion.

Depression is very good at temporarily hiding things from you that other people can see, things like hope, love, and kindness. What you’re feeling RIGHT NOW isn’t permanent, but suicide is. Get an objective professional’s thoughts on your situation before you do something you can’t take back.

Also, this is a post on a website, it does not replace nor constitute professional, individual mental health guidance. It should never be used to dissuade you from seeking professional intervention, counseling or therapy. If you think you would benefit from professional help, seek it out. We love you and want you to be well.

This is a difficult subject.

One of the darkest thoughts many of us have in grief is a desire to not be alive to avoid the pain of grief, or to be dead so we could be with our loved-one. Passing thoughts of this nature are unnerving but common with grief. If you’re someone who believes in an afterlife, or even if you don’t, it’s natural to want to be with the person you lost, wherever or however they are.

Having these thoughts can be scary and may lead you to wonder how you would know if those kind of thoughts have become something dangerous. Here are a few signs that may indicate your thoughts, or the thoughts of someone you’re concerned about, are turning from normal grief toward dangerous suicidal ideation:

  • Focusing on exactly how you would end your life
  • Actively planning your death, doing research
  • Obtaining the means to end your life (getting weapons, drugs, etc.)
  • Giving away possessions
  • Vocalizing that you wish you weren’t alive, or that the world would be better without you
  • Mentally writing a suicide note
  • Detaching from close friends and family, lying about your emotional state
  • Behaviors that are careless toward your health, e.g. substance abuse, sexual behavior, reckless driving

signs of suicideIf you find you, or someone you care about, are doing any of these behaviors, it’s time to talk to a professional. Again, you can call 1-800-273-8255 anytime, 24 hours a day.

It is worth being especially aware of these thoughts and behaviors if you or someone you’re concerned about has a history of depression or mental illness, a history substance abuse, or are taking any medication that can contribute to suicidal ideation.

Fantasizing about being reunited with a deceased loved one is natural and we’re not here to scare you, but just want to help you be aware of the signs that indicate you or someone you care about should talk to a professional about what you’re experiencing before it goes too far.


Thanks for visiting Grief Compass. We’re sorry you have to be here, but are glad we’ve found each other.

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